Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
