It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
