I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
