I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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