people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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