Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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