I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
