it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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