I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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