I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
