Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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