also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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