I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
