He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
NoShamevember. You game?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
