I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need moral support for this bender
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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