Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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