The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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