So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
