And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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