I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
