I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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