I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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