If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
