her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
