But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
