I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think i got beer on your cat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
