just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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