Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
