oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
