If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
