New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
