You really coming over, don't trick.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
