So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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