I faked an abortion last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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