I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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