Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can I color on your dick again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
