When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
