i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
