I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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