Kiss
Puke
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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