You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
