Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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