i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
