so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
