Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
