her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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