I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
