NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
