Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
