wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
