I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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