so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
