'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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