just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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