no, he came in my armpit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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