I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
